Gastric Bypass

I went to a seminar last night hosted by a highly respected surgeon. The purpose was to educate us about our options for weight reduction through surgery. The Doctor decided to give seminars because he is literally flooded every day by calls from people who want to know about the procedures. It was a very serious presentation with life altering implications. As you might guess those of us there are desperate for help. The seminar was very informative, and I for one intend to proceed with the procedure. It is no small undertaking, and cannot be taken on without serious thought and commitment. I have to go through 6 months of diet, testing, psych evaluation, and red tape to be eligible for the surgery.

All that said I could not sit there in that room and not see the humor in the situation. At 6 ft. and 300 pounds, I felt rather svelte in this group! Here we were 50 or 60 seriously overweight people trying to sit in an auditorium with seating designed for 150 pound people. It was explained that all the seats had swivel desk tops so that we could take notes. The only problem being that anyone was small enough to work that swivel desk top around our middles, would not be here in the first place.

There was a big sign on the door that said: "No Food or Drinks Allowed" OK so it is 5:00 PM, about the time most of us are starting to think about a little snack before dinner and here we are in a 2 hour seminar - - "No Food or Drinks Allowed" The women had some serious advantage here since most of them were carrying a purse that would hold a weeks rations. As a "Large Boned" person, I have an ear that is tuned to the sounds of various snack food wrappers. I am pretty sure I heard a Hostess Cup Cake, Doritos, Snickers, and a Bit-O-Honey being consumed during the presentation. I was pretty sure I picked up the sound of a Klondike Bar, but it was midway through, and unless someone had an insulated purse, I guess that would not be possible. By that time I was getting a little weak myself so my ears may have been playing tricks on me.

The lady in front of me whipped out a Diet Dr. Pepper and a hand full of mints before the seminar started. I told her straight up that unless she wanted to start a stampede were innocent people could get hurt, she better put it away. She gave the room a careful scan to make sure it was not too late and then eased it back in her purse. Crisis averted!

The doctor talked a lot about "morbidity" and "morbidity factors". I never was sure exactly what that word meant (I have since looked it up) but it sounds gross and generally scares the hell out of me. Turns out I am morbidly obese and have 3 morbidity factors, you know that can't be good!

He showed us charts that show the death rates for obese people. Based on the make up of that crowd, death had to be close at hand. Maybe that is what I mistook for the sound of that Klondike Bar. Maybe it was the grim reaper trying to trick us into coming over.

All I know for sure is that the line at the Burger King around the corner sure was long when the seminar was over - - -not that I was in it mind you. I just sorta kinda noticed on my way home.